


Paramour

by dannihowell (iguessicantry)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Closeted Character, Coming Out, Extramarital Affairs, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 16:54:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6432604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguessicantry/pseuds/dannihowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil, a wealthy businessman, is having an affair with Dan while married to a woman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**_5:54 pm_ **

“Phil, can I see you?”

“When?”

“Tonight. If you can get away.”

He doesn’t answer right away. I can hear a door open and the three beeps of the alarm system. His wife’s home. Great.  

“Hey, you’re back already? What did you buy this time?” I hear him say. She replies and laughs. I hear the muffled sound of a kiss and “Who’s that on the phone, Phil?”

“Oh, just a business partner.”

I’m always ‘just a business partner’, ‘a client’ or an ‘old friend for Uni’. Sometimes, I even have the wrong number. Not very creative but he knows how to be subtle.

“I’m going to finish this in the office, sweet.”

“Alright,” I hear her reply.

“Okay, I’m back,” he says.

“Good. Do you think I can see you tonight? I need to see you as soon as possible,” making my voice deeper, dripping with lust.

“Why is tonight so important?” Phil asks. I can hear the smile in his voice.

“Because tonight, no one else will do. I want you. Only you. I want to see you … drained, for lack of a better term.”

“I’ll try to get out. I can’t stay the night. She won’t be travelling again until Friday,” he whispered.

“Baby, you may not be able to get up when we’re done.”

“Don’t tease me, Daniel.”

He said Daniel. I can’t help but smirk. Phil only calls me Daniel when he’s angry or turned-on. I think it’s because he likes to dominate me, call me names he wouldn’t call his worst enemy, and grip me so hard that I still feel his fingers on me hours after he’s gone. He’s hooked and so am I.

* * *

 

**11:48 pm**

****  
  


I hear a car pull up. The engine is low and then suddenly silent. I look outside to see his Mercedes parked right at my gate. He gets out and looks around, making sure he wasn’t followed. He glances up the house and see me in the upstairs window, curtain pulled to the left, watching him. He smiles and makes his way to the front door. I stay upstairs to tease him. I want him frustrated.

I hear the front door open and close. The sound of his expensive shoes echo throughout the large house. I hear him make his way up the steps. He’s slow, calculating. I’m dressed only in my boxers. I don’t want to waste any time.

I’m still facing the window when I hear him approach me from behind. He surrounds me, his arms around my waist and his hands fall at my crotch.

        “Hello, Daniel.” he says, voice deep and tantalizing. His head falls to my shoulder and he starts to kiss me on my neck. His teeth pick up the skin and he sucks, leaving a bite mark. “Excited?” he asks, pausing his kissing and biting to speak.

He’s perceptive. “How long can you stay this time?” I reply, avoiding his question.

“Until one. She’ll get suspicious if I stay too long,” he says, “She thinks I’ve gone to pick up a client at the airport. We have to be quick.” He turns me around to face him, curtain falling from my grasp. He still has his coat on. He’s eager.

I want him stripped and on my bed, well, our bed. He pays for everything really. He pays the rent, for my clothes, for my car, expensive trips all over. He tells her they’re business trips. I would pay for it myself, but as always, Phil insisted on spoiling me. “Phil, don’t you think you should get a little more comfortable? This is your home after all,” I say with a smirk, knowing what will come next.

Just as I expected, he says,“Undress me,” in a demanding tone, glancing between my eyes and my lips. From what I felt as he stood behind me, he’s excited too. It’s been too long since we last did this. I long for these secret meetings and I can tell Phil does too.

I start with his coat. It only takes me seconds to unbutton it and already his breathing has picked. I push the brown trench coat off his body and let it fall to the floor. As I reach for his collar to unbutton his shirt, he says, “No. My trousers. Now.” Grabbing my wrist and then letting go, I can feel his breath on me, warming me.

I comply. I go for his belt, undoing it and pulling until it’s free from the loops. I try hand it over because it’s usually an instrument he uses to make me scream and moan.

“Drop it and keep going,” he commands. We really don’t have much time if he doesn’t want to use it. It falls to floor and the clatter it makes shatters the silence of our little rendezvous. Before I unbutton his trousers, I put my hand over his bulge, and stare into his eyes just to tease, no rubbing or movement to ease his frustration. He grabs me by my shoulders and pulls me in closer for a kiss. It’s our first kiss in three days and I didn’t know how much I missed this until now. He slides his tongue into my mouth easily, no need to ask for permission. I belong to him. I feel his lips pressed to mine and the rough side of his tongue on the my own. He tastes of red wine. His romantic dinner, with her. He smells like expensive cologne and I can’t help but moan. He’s perfect, gripping me even tighter as we kiss. I need more contact. I want to run my fingers through his hair. He eventually loosens his grip as I pull down his zipper and stick my fingers inside, stroking his length.

“Dan,” he mumbles into my mouth. I can’t do it anymore, I need him. I unbutton his trousers, break away from his kiss and kneel down. I clasp his trousers at the sides and pull down, his boxers come down as well. His erection springs forwards and I lick him for base to tip. I feel his hand at the back of my head, pulling my hair and bringing my face closer to his dick. I lick the tip enticingly before taking his entire length completely into my mouth. I suck up and down, bobbing, hollow my cheeks. I go back down and swallow. The moan that erupts for him makes me twitch. I look up to find his head fallen backwards, facing the ceiling, the pleasure overtaking him. My hands are on his hip bones and I tap twice with my left hand to let him know I’m ready. He takes the signal and holds my head firmly. He starts to fuck my mouth, hard. I moan around him to give him a little more pleasure. I want to move on. I need him to fuck me. He hits the back of my throat and I choke a little, eyes watering. He pulls my head back and looks down at me. I know my lips are swollen red and my pupils dilated.

“Daniel, who do you belong to?” he asks, his voice even deeper now and rough from all the moaning.

“You,” I say, quickly.  

“Are you mine? All mine?”

“Yes! I’m all yours.”

“Good,” He pulls up on my hair and I get up from my kneeling position. I meet his face again and he attacks my neck biting and sucking like before. I turn my head and whisper directly into his ear, “Are you gonna fuck me or not?”

He stops abruptly and looks me in the eye. “Don’t. Fucking. Push. Me.”

He knows just what to I want to hear.

**12:02 am**

His hand is still in my hair. He pulls me, jerking my head backwards. He moves behind me and pushes me on the bed, face down. I feel his fingers in the curve of my lower back, tucking into the elastic of my boxers and I moan in anticipation. He pulls my boxers off completely and smacks my ass. I feel him on my body, sitting on my thighs, his legs bent on both sides. He bends down and says, “I want you to scream. I want you to let everyone know just who you belong to.”

“Anything for you.“

He backs up and kneels right between the V in my legs. I crook my head around to see his arm in the side table drawer feeling around for that little clear bottle. He throws it on the bed and then takes off his shirt. It takes a while because of all the buttons.

“We don’t have much time, so I’m not going to stretch you,” he explains. I can hear the cap open and I see his arm move closer to his body. I want to turn over, so I can see his face when he comes but when I try to, he pushes me back down. The action does, however, give me the friction I need. Neither of us has touched my cock during this entire experience. He always has me wanting him, needing him, aching for him. I love it.

He must have seen how much I needed him then because just as I grind down into the bed, I feel him directly behind me. He spreads my legs with his knees and I am put on display.I can feel him against me and just before he pushes in, he puts one hand in the middle of my back. He scratches down as he pushes into me. I scream out in pain, “Phil! That hurts!”

“Yeah? Tell me how much,” he grunts, pulling out of me slowly and pushing back in with the full force of his hips.

“Jesus Christ, Phil! Don’t stop!” I let out a loud scream. “It hurts! But don’t stop!”

“I was-n’t planning on it.”

He continues pounding into me and bringing his nails down to claw at my back. The pleasure is immense and I never want it to stop. I feel him moving more erratically, now close to his climax. He changes his angle a bit and I feel it. He thrust directly into the little spot that causes my eyes to roll back. I scream out, “Shit! Phil! Right there!”

“Don’t come until I say so! Scream my name!”

“Oh, my god!” I screamed. "Phil, I’m yours! All yours!” just what he wants to hear.

“I’m- so- fucking- close,” he utters each word in a separate thrust.

He continues his gyrations, grunting and cursing under his breath. He’s lost in ecstasy and moans loudly at he comes deep inside me. I clench around him, making him moan louder and bringing me even closer.

Before I know it, I’m turned over onto my back and he shoves his finger into my entrance just as he kisses me roughly. He finds my spot immediately and I can’t take anymore. I scream into his mouth but he doesn’t move away. I’m bucking up into him now. His finger is relentless, brushing against the little bundle of nerves, making me writhe underneath him. I pull away from the kiss and toss my head from side to side on the pillow because I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s too intense and he hasn’t given me permission to come yet.

“Phil! Let me come! Please!”

“Beg for me.”

“Phil, please! Oh! Please, let me come!”

For what feels like another minute, Phil continued to rub my spot without stopping, causing me to erratically buck my hips and beg even more. When it gets to be too much, I throw my head back, grab his arm and scream out in pleasure.

“You can come now,” he announces calmly.

I allow my body to relax and let the climax hit me. I squeeze my eyes shut as I can’t deal with all five senses at the moment and I come right then.

I’m gone. All I see is black. I know I’ve shouted something, but I don’t quite remember at the moment. I finally open my eyes and I can see him again. He’s not looking at me but down at my open legs. He pulls his finger out and wipes it on the black sheets. I want him to lay down with me and touch me all over. My body’s so sensitive right now and every touch is electric.

But he doesn’t. He gets up off the bed and heads for the shower. I lay there stunned. Usually he gives me a kiss or even five minutes of cuddles and whispers, but now he leaves without even a word. I’m left alone on the bed, exposed and confused.  

 

**12:47 am**

Five minutes later, he comes out of the shower and picks up his boxers and slides them on. I’ve already put mine on and wiped myself off with a washcloth. I’m sitting on the edge of the king size bed and I look directly at him. He won’t even look my way.

“Phil, what’s wrong?” I ask tentatively.

“Everything, Dan. You’ve screwed up everything!” he shouts, face red and eyes piercing into me. I’m taken aback. I don’t understand what’s happened between the end of the amazing sex and that shower so I have to ask.

“What are you on about?”

“You said it, Dan. The one thing you were never supposed to say. This should’ve never gotten this far!” he says putting on his shirt and trousers.

“Please, I don’t know what I said to make you this mad.”

“I love you. You said, I love you!” raising his voice again.

“I didn’t mean to!” I suddenly realized the mistake I made just after I hit my peak. “It just came out!”

“It didn’t just come out, Dan! These things don’t just come out!”

I’m scared because this is the first time I’ve seen him this angry and it’s over a silly mistake, an exclamation made in ecstasy. I’m even more terrified because it’s true. Completely and utterly true. I do love him. He’s fully dressed now.

“Phil, I-“

“Don’t bother. We had an unspoken agreement. I would take care of you. Give you everything you ever wanted but we would never say it,” he stated calmly, gesturing to the both of us.

“I know, but I couldn’t help it.” I sighed dejectedly, putting my head in my hands.

I feel his hand lift my head up and cup my cheek. He gets closer to me, crouching down and holds me in a kiss. It’s sweet and slow, like the ones we share on our trips together or in the backroom of some unknown bistro. Phil pulls away and exhales sharply.

“I couldn’t help it either.”

I smile because I know, he meant it as well. But, my joy is short-lived. His phone rings. Hearing that awful tune, I know it’s her. He looks down at the screen and runs his fingers through his hair. He doesn’t answer and I’m glad. He kisses me softly on the lips once more before putting his phone in his coat pocket.

“I’ll call you sometime today, maybe? I have to see you again before Friday.”

“Yes, same here.”

One more kiss to the cheek and he’s down the stairs and out the door. I stand by the window and pull the curtain to see him approaching his car. He looks up and smiles at me.

He belongs to me, just as much as I belong to him.


	2. Two

It’s Thursday, around noon and we are sitting behind a burgundy room divider, hidden away in the back of the little restaurant on the edge of the London. Phil called this morning and said to meet him here at noon for a little casual lunch date. We ordered and sat down feeling completely comfortable in the anonymity of the small establishment. Phil is always the best when it comes to choosing these places. He should be as he’s the reason we have to sneak around just to be together. We’re sitting in a booth, pretty close might I add, and he keeps stealing kisses and rubbing my thigh with his hand.  

****

“Phil, stop.” I whispered, laughing a bit. “You know, just because no one can see us, does not mean we can do anything like __that__.”

“Why not?” he smirked. “I love seeing you like this, squirming and blushing like that first time.”

****

I did blush when he mentioned that. It was incredibly different from anything I had ever done before. I was fresh out of art school, living in small flat with Ashlynn, a friend of mine who was an aspiring actress. We were young and struggling to make ends meet. I got a break one day when an old professor of mine told me about an opportunity to be showcased in a gallery run by a close acquaintance. I remember that night I was exceptionally nervous about showing my art to all these rich art collectors. I was standing in front of one of my smaller pieces. It was a modest painting of a London scene and I was standing there judging it to no end. I heard someone next to me say, “I love this. It’s simple and I get the feeling of being there easily.”

****

“Thank you, I can’t help but think I should have done more shading in that corner there.”

****

“Stop, it is perfect as it is. In fact, I think I’ll buy it,”

****

I still hadn’t looked him in the eye yet but when I did I was dumbstruck. I saw two blue eyes staring back at me. He had a bit of a smirk on his face like he knew how good he looked. He stood tall and wore a blue pinstripe suit and expensive watch. He had his hand in his pocket and his hair was styled in a short quiff. Believe me when I say I thought he was a god. It may seem like an exaggeration but you didn’t see him.

****  
  
** **

“Um, thank you,” I said, taking a gulp because he was perfect and he liked something I made. Something I thought  was just awful.

“How much is it?”

“Whatever you think it’s valued, Sir.” I answered. “I’ll take anything. You know, starving artist.” I said trying to remain cool.

“Phil. My name is Phil. I think I’ll take it for £1000.”

“No! I can’t sell you this for one thousand pounds. I’ll let you have it for £200 at the most. Take a better one please!”

He laughed a little and leaned in closer. “Listen, I think you’re cute. Call me at this number, Daniel.” He said handing me his business card. I was confused because I don’t remember telling him my name. Then it struck me, It’s my art they’re showing, of course he would know my name. I took it, feeling lucky for the chance to see him again. He turned towards the painting again and took it off the wall. “I’m taking this for £1000. No negotiation.” I looked at him with a huge smile on my face. It was my first sale. When I got back to the flat later that night, Ashlynn and I celebrated with a cheap bottle of wine and a string of bad movies. I don’t live that life anymore. Phil insists on taking care of me. I’m a kept man, a male mistress, a paramour.

        The next morning, I did call Phil. I could not wait the customary three days. His secretary picked up, telling me that I was calling Lester & Lester Inc., the world’s largest distributor of fine jewels and furs, I known I had seen that name somewhere before. That company invested in so  many different things, from luxury cars to food. I see it whenever I go to the shops. I told her my name and that I was calling for Philip Lester. She connected me immediately and I heard that deep voice again. “Hello, Daniel.”

We met in a similar restaurant like the one we’re sat in now. We had a great time and really got on well. He asked me back to his place. That night, he showed me a whole new world I had never dreamed of  being a part of before. I fell hard for him. He took me to new heights, sexually and romantically. The next morning we had a talk. He told me he wanted to see me again but we could never meet in public or been seen together. He was married to a woman who came from a family like his. He could not let anyone know about an affair, much less an affair with another man. He came to my place when Ashlynn went home one weekend, and Phil asserted his displeasure of my ‘living in filth’, as he put it. He rented a posh townhome for me in the middle of the city and I’ve been living like this ever since. I still paint but now I have my own studio and gallery to showcase my work. Turns out the gallery where we met belonged to him as well.

Up until Monday night, we’d never spoken about loving each other. I didn’t want to scare him or push him away. I think he really didn’t want to admit to himself that he’s gay and he’s actually in love with another man. But right now, we sit in the booth and he’s touching me all over. For the first time in a long while my smile is full, genuine. He attaches his lips to mine intensely. My hands move to his thighs, caressing them slowly making their way to his crotch. He ends the kiss, biting on my bottom lip, letting it gently snap back from his teeth. Phil rested his forehead on mine and stared deeply into my eyes. I love his brilliant blue eyes but at the moment I can’t even see them. The room is too dark, he’s too aroused so and his eyes are dilated. I know this look all too well.

****

“Come on, let’s go to the house. I’m not going back to the office today.”

****

Phil gets up and grabs my hand, pulling me out the back door and we get into his luxury car. He drives back to our house in record time. He gets out of the car, looks around like he always does to see if we were followed. It’s only about 1 in the afternoon. The sun is bright and the sky is clear. It would have been easy to see if we were follow. But that made it was just as easy to see us. One day I’ll ask what he would do if we were. I won’t spoil the mood now. I open the door, Phil following close behind. I walk in, kick off my shoes and he does the same. Phil pulls me in and starts kissing me all over. He starts undressing me right there in the foyer. My coat, my jumper and my vest litter the floor as he takes them off between his kisses. From my forehead to the tips of my fingers, my upper body is covered in his kisses. I feel myself stirring and can’t wait for it. He stops and takes off his own coat. I reach for him and lead him upstairs. I know what he wants and I really want to give it to him.

****

We enter the bedroom and he pulls me into him again. He just stares into my eyes for a moment without saying anything. Phil moves forward, pushing me and I feel the edge of the bed at the back of my knees. I fall back on to it and move up so I’m completely laid out in front of him. Still standing, he takes of his shirt and tie and just as he reaches for his belt I sit up, kneeling in front of him and take it off myself. I take the clasp in my fingers and look up at him, straight into his eyes. I undo his trousers and pull them down to see that his incredible length is already hard. I kiss his stomach a few times, right below his belly button as I put my fingers into the elastic of his boxer briefs and pull them down as well. I keep kissing him, moving even closer towards his throbbing member. I tilted my head slightly and licked a line from base to tip then blew cool air on it. He moan a little and just like he always his hand found its way into my hair. I took him in my mouth completely, knowing how much he like to get on with it. He tugged on my hair a bit but not so much it hurt and I knew that he wanted me to keep going. I went down and came up, quickly picking up speed. As I come back up, I flick my tongue over his head over and over again. When I stop to take a breath, he pulls away from my grasp and starts stroking himself. He pushes me on the bed while at the same time stepping out of his trousers and briefs that were pooled around his feet.

“Dan…” he breathed. “Take these off.” he said begging, pulling on my trousers with both hands. He looks so desperate and needy today. He’s hardly said anything since we’ve started but he’s acting differently. I lift my hips to give him what he wants and my boxers come down with my trousers. He climbs onto the bed right on top of me. He hovers above my face, memorizing every feature.

“Dan, I love you.” he says softly. “I love you so much.”

It’s the first time he’s ever said it. I know he does. I knew he loved me years ago but this is the first time he’s ever admitted it. I’m not really sure if he was telling me or himself to be honest.

“I love you too. More than you’ll ever know.” I whisper back while looking up straight at him. He’s never looked so beautiful and I need him. We need each other.

****

He brings his head down and kisses me right on the lips. His tongue traces over my top lip and I allow him to enter. His tongue brushes up against mine and his breathing picks up. We’re in harmony and this kiss is making me a little lightheaded. It’s so heated, I feel my cheeks heating, lips tingling. I move my hands to his back, bringing him impossibly closer. I feel his hand move down to my dick and start stroking. I moan into his mouth as he continues the movements. We kiss for a while and it’s wonderful. We never take it this slow. After a few moments, he stops stroking me and reaches over to the drawer next to the bed and pulls out the lube. He pours some onto his fingers as I spread my legs, waiting for him. He puts his finger at my entrance still looking into my eyes. He pushes it in slowly, taking his time and I moan because it just feels that good.

****

“You are so beautiful, Dan.”

****

Phil pushes pumps his finger in and out for a few moments before adding the second.

****

“Phil, please just get inside of me. I need you.”

“Me too,” he says smiling.

****  
  
** **

He poured some lube onto his member stroking it to get it all over. I felt him at my entrance and wrapped my legs around his waist to urge him on. He pushed in slowly and the feeling was so intense. I tightened my legs around him because I didn’t want him to move just yet. I want to enjoy that feel of him completely inside me.

****

“I love you. I-I don’t know what I would do w-without you,”.

“Phil!” I moaned.

****

Phil kisses me again and I relax my legs so he can move. He moves his hips up and I feel his warm cock moving in and out of me. As he starts to move his hips faster, he cradles my face in his hands and kisses me passionately in the lips. His grip on my face gets a little tighter and his hips move even faster, fucking me into the bed and hitting my prostate head on. I moan loudly. The friction between my length and his stomach is immense and I feel so close. He’s going so hard and fast that I can’t even warn him of my incoming climax. I scream into the kiss as I hit my high, clenching around him. Not long after, he climaxed inside me. He’s still kissing me but it’s not a proper kiss. Our mouths hang open from the intense pleasure and we just look into each other eyes for a while. He eventually pulls out and lays right on top of me.

“Phil…” I breath.

“I missed you,” he said sighing.

“You missed me since Monday night?” I chuckled softly.

“I love you too much. It’s difficult to spend more than a few hours away from you.”

****

Now that he’s said it, it’s like he can’t stop. I love it. I love it and I love him. I’m so glad that I finally told him. The only problem is we still can’t be a proper couple. I can’t live with him, go on dates with him or even be seen in public with him. He’s too famous and too wealthy. But he’s mine. I hate that the world has its grip on him. I peck his nose then his cheeks and finally his lips.

****

“I want to take you on a trip. Just the two of us.” he says breaking the silence.

“Where would that be?”

He paused, “Stockholm.”

“What? Why?”

“I hear it’s beautiful. It’s not too far away so we can get there this weekend and I can come back before anyone misses me. Besides, I always wanted to go.”

“What about __her__? Isn’t she returning from her trip Saturday?”

“She is. But I’ll tell her I’m on business. She never asks questions about my trips.”

“So, Stockholm?” I said smiling.

“Yes, baby. It’s all planned.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Good. I have to leave soon. No one has seen me today since I left for lunch and I don’t want to lie to her about where I’ve been. Dan, I just…” he sighed sadly.

“I want you to stay.” I whisper.

“Don’t be sad, love. We’ll have the whole weekend together. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

We kiss and lay there for a bit before he leaves me again.

Today, it hurts more than ever before.


	3. Three

Phil and I just arrived in Stockholm, he’s holding my hand and it’s wonderful. We just got off a two hour flight from London and we’re a little tired from the travelling but we can’t stop smiling. Phil calls a car to come pick us up and we head over to the hotel. He was kissing my neck and so I lost track of how long we were in the car. It came to a stop and he told me that we had arrived. The driver opened our door and we stepped out. I was so awestruck by the beauty of the building that Phil had to take my hand and drag me inside. I looked back to see the water right there. This place was gorgeous. The doorman greeted us and a bellhop took our luggage from the driver. Whenever I was with Phil, people just seemed to take care of everything, catering to us. We went in to the elaborately decorated lobby, checked in and then went upstairs. Phil had booked a beautiful suite overlooking the sea and city. There was a balcony at the front of the room and I went to go open the glass door. I was like an excited child. Phil smirked at me as I pointed to the view. It was breathtaking. I stepped out onto the balcony, begging Phil to join me.

 

            “I like it here!” I said with a big smile, still taking in the view. Phil chuckled and snaked his arms around me from behind. “You sure?” he joked. “Because I could always ask for another room.”

 

I turned to the side and met Phil’s gaze over my shoulder. “I’m just happy to be here with you.”

“Yes,” Phil agreed moving his hands over my torso. “We’re all alone in a city where no one knows who we are.”

 

I nodded facing the sea again.

 

“The view really is great,” Phil announced and placed a gentle kiss on my neck.

 

“Mhm, can we go to that museum with the photographs tomorrow?”

 

“That’s tomorrow,” Phil pointed out and continued kissing along my neck, sliding a hand under my shirt. “What about now?”

 

“What about now?” I giggled, enjoying Phil against my skin.

 

“There’s a rather large bath made for two in the other room,” Phil murmured and turned me around to better access my neck. He pushed me back against the railing as he left a trail of kisses before our lips finally met. I felt his hands on my waist as his tongue glided across my bottom lip. I opened up to him, wanting him so much right then. His lips were soft and warm, as always, and fit mine perfectly. My eyes began to close steadily as the pleasure increased. I moaned, letting him know how much I was enjoying this but I soon broke away from the kiss, gasping for air. “Yes,” I nodded. “Bath.”

 

He pulled me back into the room by my arm. One hand held onto my wrist while the other hand started pulling my shirt up. He was so impatient and needy, and I loved it. I pulled him in close to kiss him and to slow him down. It did, for a while. Just as it was getting heated again, he pulled away, making me whimper. He chuckled and began stripping. I unbuttoned his trousers and pull his shirt off and within moments we were ready.

We rushed into the bathroom and it was elegant to say the least. The room was painted a light beige with stone work all along the bottom. There were stone steps leading into a large bath surrounded by green plants and candles. 

The bath was already filled up with warm water and I thought ‘when did he have time to do this?” He saw my confused expression and said, “I called ahead.” Phil always knew how to make everything perfect. I walked over to the bath and saw the lights suddenly go dim. I turned around to see Phil turning the dial down. “We have to come here again!” I said impressed. I also saw Phil in all his perfection under the dim light.

“Of course we can. But let’s try to focus on what’s happening now?”

“Uh- Promise we’re coming here again, though,” I said, standing there basically eye-fucking him, biting my lip seductively, eyes coasting all over his naked body.

He moved across the elaborate tile towards me. “I promise,” Phil said, smiling.

He gestured for me to get in first so I stepped in the warm water, Phil following me. I sat in the middle of the bath waiting for him. He moved over to the side and I couldn’t see what he was doing. Then I felt jets of water coming from all directions. I jolted upwards at the sudden movements and he laughed at me. I pouted, a little embarrassed.

“Don’t be like that. You are just so cute, that I couldn’t help but laugh,” he said.

I smiled at him because I knew it was funny. He had his back against the wall of the luxury bath and he grabbed me bringing me on top of him, so that I was in a straddling position. I looked down to see his head moving towards my chest. He began kissing, licking and biting bruises into my skin. My hands moved to his shoulders, to hold myself in place while he sucked and kissed all over. The water reached the top of my waist so my top half was exposed, his wet hands glided across my back, warming me up. I made a small noise of appreciation for his touches. One of his hands wandered from my back and I felt him take my length in his hand. He began stroking me, using the water as a lubricant. I began to grow hard and cried out to tell him to keep going. He covered my mouth with his own lips but I kept making those noises anyway. I moved my own hand to his length to give him the same pleasure. After a while, I felt that he was rock hard and stopped my strokes. I broke the kiss.

“I want you inside of me right now,” I told him.

He nodded then kissed me again, this time biting my lip when he pulled back. I felt his hands spread me open and a finger at my entrance.

 

“No… I want you now. Don’t bother.” I breathed, begging him to hurry.

 

“I don’t want you in pain, love. I have a lot planned for us,” he said, pushing his finger in all the way up to the knuckle. “You have to be able to leave the bed.” he chuckled at my desperation.

 

“Phil… Just get inside me. It won’t hurt. I know it won’t.” I pleaded.

 

He pulled his finger out and put his hands on my hips. I moved closer to him so that his member was directly below me and he positioned it right at my hole. I came down slowly, taking in his warmth as he filled me. I moved my head to rest on his shoulder, closing my eyes, just enjoying him and the water.

 

“You’re p-perfect. You’re so perfect.” he stuttered clearly not able to form coherent sentences at the moment.

 

“So are you,” I breathed into his neck, keeping my sentences short. I always have trouble speaking when Phil’s cock is inside of me.

 

He kissed my cheek and then began moving his hips slowly.

 

“Faster…” I begged.

 

He began moving in and out of me much quicker, the water beneath us making the slapping noise as our bodies met. He held me down right at my waist so that every time he came up, he slammed into me with the full force of his hips.

 

“Touch yourself for me,” he commanded.

“O-okay,” was all I could say as he kept up his thrusts. I was sure that I’d be sore the next day but I won’t let him know. This was so worth it.

 

I moved my hand to my dick and stroked languidly, I was too distracted by Phil’s movements. Just as I was running my thumb through my slit, he bucked up fast and hard, hitting my spot.

 

“Fuck! Oh my god,” I screamed right into his ear. I was still playing with my tip and he kept ramming into me. My screams changes from words to just Oh’s and Ah’s.

 

“Are you gonna come for me?” he asked in a low deep voice. “Huh?”

 

“Yes!” I screamed picking up my head, as I came all over him.

 

I clenched and shut my eyes, blocking out the entire room. I rode out my orgasm on Phil and as I came down, Phil’s hands suddenly gripped me tighter and he cried out, climaxing deep inside me. He threw his head back against the built in pillow of the bath and I continued clenching around him to give him more pleasure as he finished.

 

“Dan…” he murmured. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

I leaned forward to kiss him directly in the lips. He broke the kiss after about a minute to ask, “Do you want to get out now?”

 

“No, I want to stay like this forever,” I smiled, still a little dazed from my orgasm.

 

“Alright, but I should probably pull out,” he chuckled.   
  


I felt him wiggle under me and pull himself out causing me to wince. His facial expression changed from bliss to worry within two seconds.

 

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, genuinely concerned.

 

“No, no. No,” I told him, feigning a smile. “I just miss the feeling. That’s all.”

“I don’t believe you. I knew you needed to be stretched,” he said with guilt clear in his voice. “Let’s go to bed. Hopefully, you’ll be okay by tomorrow,’ he finished.

 

“Phil… I’m fine!” I whined.

“Okay, then move,” he demanded, trying to prove his point.

 

I tried to get up from my straddling position on him just to feel a sharp pain at my backside. I winced, trying not to be too loud. I don’t want to spoil the already wonderful trip. I did manage to move over and sit next to him.

 

“That’s it; I’m carrying you to bed. No discussion,” he stated, like he was chastising a child.

 

Phil left the bath, grabbed a towel and dried himself off. He left the room for a second and came back wearing his boxers. He grabbed a second towel off the rack, opened it and made a gesture for me to come towards the edge of the bath. I moved steadily in the water, not wanting to wince again and make him more upset. I stepped out of the bath and he wrapped me in the towel, picked me up and carried me to the bed bridal style.

            He put me down gently and began patting me down with the towel, drying me off and mothering me.

 

“Phil, I can move my arms,” I said wanting him to feel less guilty but coming off a little ungrateful.

He only smiled and when he was done he took a pair of boxers from my bag and slipped them on me. He told me to get under the duvet while he turned off the lights. He climbed back in, moving his body so that his chest was flush against my back, spooning me.

 

“Phil, that was amazing.” I yawned, exhausted from travelling and sex.

 

“It really was,” Phil agreed, cuddling me closer and entwining our legs. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” I said and we laid quiet for a while, listening to the unusually quiet room and each other’s heavy breaths.

 

“If feels weird saying that now,” I said turning around, forcing Phil to roll over to his back as I laid half on top of him. “Can’t believe it took us this long to admit it.”

 

Phil gave me a tired smile and placed a kiss on my forehead. “My agreement was a bit stupid, wasn’t it?”

 

I nodded.

 

“I want to be with you forever,” Phil confessed.

“Me too,” I agreed and lifted my head and kissed him soft and slow until he pulled away yawning. I laid back down against his chest and trailed my fingers along his chest.

 

“I think this is going to be a nice weekend,” I said and could feel Phil nodding above me. I could feel my eyelids growing heavy.

 

“I’ve got a lot planned,” Phil mumbled, shifting slightly beneath me, making himself comfortable.

 

 

“Mhm,” I agreed yawning and closed my just for a second. “I want to see that gallery you talked about.”

 

“Yes,” he yawned and I could feel his arm around me loosen a bit. “I heard they’ve got…” he paused and for a second I thought he’d fallen asleep, “…it’s nice, and you can see that…”

He trailed off and I could tell he’d fallen asleep. I smiled to myself and was going to say something but I was too tired to open my eyes, let alone to remember what I wanted to say.

“I love you,” I mumbled once again and not before long I was sound asleep as well.

  
  


I woke up the next morning to Phil kissing me on the nape of my neck. I had felt tickling on my skin and when I opened my eyes and saw where I was, I realized it him. I closed my eyes again, not wanting the kisses to stop.

 

“Wake up, lover,” Phil murmured kissing my neck.

 

“No,” I smiled. “Not if all I am is your lover.”

 

I rolled over to my back and he gave me a proper kiss.

 

“The love of my life, does that sound better?” he teased, snuggling my nose.

 

“Much!” I agreed and started to get up. He got out of bed, rushing ahead of me, meeting me on my side.

 

“Phil, what are you doing?” I laughed, a little confused.

 

“Can you move?” Phil asked worried.

I jumped of the bed to prove it to him without argument. He smiled and pecked me on the lips. He said we should get ready to go down to breakfast. We got showered and dressed quickly, wanting eat as soon as possible. About 20 minutes later, we were seated in the dining room, where there was a buffet of Swedish and generic breakfast food. We were offered the option of having a waiter which Phil accepted immediately. He said if he had paid for the service, he should get it. We ordered pastries, some fresh fruit, oatmeal porridge with fresh milk, which according to the waiter was very Swedish of us. We laughed, Phil’s tongue sticking out the side of his mouth, my dimple sunken inward. The comment wasn’t that funny, we were just so happy. We were sitting in public, holding hands, and sharing a few kisses. This is the most amount of freedom we’ve ever had. Phil relaxed and I soaked it all in. I couldn’t help but think that this is what it would be like to have Phil all to myself. It made me smile and he asked why I was grinning so much. I shook my head refusing to tell him. He picked up my hand from the table and left a kiss on my skin. We were so into each other that we didn’t notice the waiter wanted to know if we needed anything. He must have been standing there for a few moments before he just left the check. Phil charged the meal to the room and we were off.

 

He had a car pick us up to take us to the Kulturhuset, a large modern building in central Stockholm, and we arrived a little after 11. Normally, we never went anywhere this public so this was a change. We took the escalator up, floor after floor, until Phil finally stopped in front of a sign. He seemed to have done his research.

 

“Is this it?” I asked excited.

“Yeah,” Phil nodded and led the way towards a huge room with large wooden boxes hanging from the ceiling.

 

We walked around looking through all the galleries for another hour and a half, getting lost in the art. At least, I was. As an artist, I can look at painting or photographs for hours, forgetting to perform basic human functions. Phil brought me back to Earth by taking my hand and telling me we should have some lunch. He took me to a cafe in the same building where we ordered Lingonberry soup, opting to try more Swedish cuisine. It was an adventure, right? I took a sip and didn’t particularly like the taste and neither did Phil.

 

“Do you want to eat somewhere else?” he asked.

“Please.” I responded, laughing at the look on his face. We went upstairs to see if we could find another cafe or restaurant. We walked into one that had fish and chips on the menu and decided to stay.

 

Afterwards, we went to Fotografiska, a gallery of photography and Phil lost me again. I held onto his hand absentmindedly, pulling him along as I walk around admiring everything. It seems he was treating me today, planning this great day of just exploring the city and looking at art. We walked to an area he told me was call Gamla Stan or the old city. We saw the castle for the Swedish Royals and took a few photos. As we wandered around the old parts of town, I saw how gorgeous it was with lots of small alleys and cute shops. We came across a small shop filled with even more art. Phil bought a few different pieces for me. The artist thanked him profusely. I knew that wonderful feeling when someone bought your art and wanted to bring it into their home, like they had a piece of you with them. Sometimes, it became a little heart-breaking if you were attached to certain piece but you have to sell it; you have to eat. He told them to have the paintings delivered to our home in London, giving the details to the clerk, and we left.

 

“Do you want to explore a little more?” Phil asked as we walked out of the shop.

 

“Yes. It’s so nice here.” I took his hand in mine and we strolled through the alleys and shops for another hour or so.

 

We went back to the hotel and had some surprising good Italian food. Phil had started fondling me while we ate. Sharing a glance, we both called for the check. We rushed upstairs, bursting into the room, immediately ripping off our clothes. We were desperate to touch each other that with each piece of clothing that fell to the floor we shared a kiss. Moments later, we were laid on the bed, me on top of him. I was growing hard and moaned in anticipation of him.

 

Phil moved his head away from mine. I gave him a look of confusion. Why did he stop when I needed him so much?

 

“Dan, I want you inside me,” he breathed. I looked at him with wide eyes because that is something I never expected to hear.

 

“Are you sure, baby? It /will/ hurt.” I told him. I knew he never bottomed before so this was a huge deal.  

 

“Yes, I’m sure. I love you, Dan. I trust you,” he said softly, moving his hands across my back.

 

“I love you, too.” I kissed him. “Promise to stop me if I hurt you.”

 

“Promise.”

 

I moved off him and went into one our bags for the lube. He had moved up the bed so that he was laid out in front of me, waiting for me. I saw that his member was flush against his stomach, already hard. I kneeled between his legs and began rubbing his thighs with my hands. I bent down licking up the inside of his thighs, one stripe on each side. I grasped his length with my hand, bringing it to my lips. I kissed the tip and took it in my mouth immediately, flicking my tongue over his slit. Phil moaned and put his hands in my hair. I licked up the underside of his cock before swirling my tongue around the tip. I wanted to hear more of those noises so I went down quickly and came up agonizingly slow. He let out a loud noise, obviously wanting to more. Bobbing my head, I went a little faster, making sure to stimulate his slit as much as possible. His thighs began to shake as the pleasure overtook him. I felt him pull my hair as he cried out, “Close!” I came off him, not wanting him to come just yet. I wanted him to feel what it felt like to come from having his prostate hit repeatedly. I grabbed the lube from its spot on the bed, drizzling the liquid over my fingers then rubbing fingers together to warm it up a little.

 

“Ready?” I asked.

“Yes, I’m ready.” he said giving me a small smile.

 

I put one finger at his entrance, moving it around the hole to spread the lube over it. I pushed in slowly, watching his face the entire time. He scrunched his eyes shut but soon relaxed. I pushed it farther in, up the knuckle. I waited again for his reaction. “More.” he said, letting out a deep breath. I added a second finger next to the first and he winced.

“Are you okay?” I asked, worriedly.

“Yes, keep going. Please.”

 

The third was added and he balled up his fists in the duvet, clenching his jaw shut. His brow wrinkled and I could tell it hurt but he didn’t tell me to stop. I stayed still for a moment until I felt he had relaxed and he said, “I’m okay. Keep going, Dan.” breathing out through his mouth. “Okay, I will.” I said as I pumped my fingers in and out of him. He started making sounds of pleasure, small noises and squeaks. I had never seen him like this and I have to admit, it was hot. I tried to find that spot, wanting him to feel it before I went in. I twisted my fingers and felt him clench.

“Fuck!” he moaned. “I’m ready. Get inside me now.”

 

I took my fingers out and wiped my hand on the duvet, leaving a stain that the cleaners wouldn’t appreciate.

 

His hands went back to his sides and he watched me as I poured the lube on my cock. I stroked myself a few times and it felt so good to finally have the skin to skin contact. I positioned my tip against his rim and slowly pushed in. I held his legs open as Phil made a low moan at the stretch, muttering my name under his breath. It took so much not to just thrust into him, as the warmth and tightness was so intense but I couldn’t hurt him. I wouldn’t. I was flush against his body now, surrounded completely. The look on his face told me that he needed more time to adjust. I waited until he opened his eyes and nodded. I bent down to kiss him because I missed having his mouth on mine. I came back up and I pulled my hips back slowly, and then pushed in watching him. His eyes were half-lidded, mouth open ready to let me know just how he was feeling. He was covered in a sheen of sweat and his lips were swollen and red. I moved my hips, thrusting in and out, gradually getting faster as I saw him writhe in pleasure. He was clearly enjoying bottoming.

 

“Oh my god, go faster! Fuck!” he pleaded.

 

I moved my hands from his legs to the duvet, putting one on either side of him to gain leverage. Pretty soon, I was pounding into him. He cried out all of sudden, gripping the duvet, as I hit his prostate. He took a hold of his cock, pumping it along to my thrusts.

“Close. I’m so close,” he moaned.

“Come for me, Phil.” I told him, I didn’t want to hold him back. I wanted him to feel amazing.

 

I felt him still and clenching around me. Before I knew it, his cum covered our stomachs. I continued fucking him through his orgasm, making him cry out even louder, pushing me over the edge.

 

“Dan…” he breathed. “That was…” he couldn’t finish. His eyes closed and his breathing was still a little ragged.

 

“Phil?” I asked to make sure he was okay. “Phil?”

 

“Yeah?” he mumbled. This must have been too much for him. I was relieved to hear him answer.

 

“Did that feel good, baby?”

 

“Amazing.” he smiled. “Kiss me.”

 

“Whatever you say.” I said moving my head to his, kissing him deeply. Afterwards, I moved off him, pulling out and got up to turn the light off. I climb back onto the bed, snuggling into Phil. He had already drifted off to sleep so I gave a soft kiss on his cheek and whispered, “I love you, Phil. So much.”

 

“You too.” he murmured. I laid my head on the pillow and I fell asleep instantly.

 

Sunday morning was just like the day before. He woke me up, this time whispering “Danny, wake up.” Phil didn’t feel as sore as I thought he would. He complained of a small pain and winced a little when moving but he was fine for the most part. We went to breakfast in the dining room, again being overly affectionate. We took a car to the Bergius Botanic Garden and walked around for a bit.

 

Phil took out his camera, taking pictures of the plants and beautiful landscaping. I sat down on a bench by the river watching the water. Phil came over and sat down next to me on my left side, taking my hand.

 

“What’s on your mind?”

“Oh, nothing,” I answered, turning to face him. “I’m just committing this trip to memory. I’ve never been so happy, Phil. Thank you for everything.”

“You. Deserve. The. World.” He leaned in pecking me between each word.

 

As we sat there staring out at the water and people watching, Phil took out his camera. He held it up, smiling and brought me in close so he could take a picture. I never smiled so much in my life. We took about 50 pictures at least. We even asked another tourist to take one of us by the water. Phil never took pictures of us. He was too afraid of anyone finding them. It felt like he was acknowledging our relationship as normal, that we had nothing to hide. I always felt that Phil was not comfortable being gay. Yesterday was the first time he held my hand in public. He never did that on our other trips abroad. He was exposing his entire self to the world and I admired him for it. It took a lot of strength.

 

Our plane was leaving at three, so we headed back to the hotel afterwards. We had a quick lunch on the balcony, which we ordered from room service. As we packed to go home, I saw a sign on the minibar that said if any item was removed and not replaced in 20 seconds, it would automatically be charged to the room. I laughed aloud, causing Phil to come over and read it himself. As our laughter died, he went back to packing, mumbling something about a meeting he had next Tuesday and that /she/ was coming home within the next few days so he had make sure he was there to greet her. I sat on the bed, not saying anything, just listening to his return to reality. I was really going to miss this. Phil was all mine for the whole time and now I had to share him with the world and with /her/. Phil noticed my sudden change in mood and sat down on the bed next to me.

 

“Dan, we need to leave soon,” he said softly.

 

“I know. I don’t want to, Phil.” I let out a sigh. “I’m so happy here. /We’re/ so happy here. We didn’t have to hide or anything. I don’t want to go home.”

 

“I promise you, we will come back someday. This will always be our place, our own little corner of the world. I promise.” He then pecked me on the cheek, making me smile.

 

I nodded and got off the bed to finish packing. Phil answered an email and talked to his assistant for a few minutes before hanging up. We heard a knock at the door and it was the bellhop who would be taking our bags down for us. Phil showed him the bags then turned to me.

“Are you ready to go, Dan?”

“The sooner we go, the sooner we can come back.” I smiled. He took my hand and we left our little paradise.


	4. Four

“Dan…”

“Baby…” I moaned. “Are we gonna do it right here?”

“Yeah, right here against the wall.” He said palming me through my trackies. Phil has me pushed up flush against the white wall of my studio. I was painting a scene of Stockholm from a photo we took. It was a view of the sea, right at our balcony. Phil took the photo while he was standing behind me. His arms were around my shoulders and his lips were so close to my neck. I could feel his grin as he showed me the viewfinder and snapped the photo. I still remember how warm he felt then. He was loving and kind and he just felt so good to me. His warmth encased me and I felt like I could easily drift away in the sensation. This was one of our best trips. I can’t wait to go back.

 

He came in just as I began mixing the blues for the sea. I turned around to greet him and he pulled me into a deep kiss. Not so much as a hello until he was done. When we broke the kiss, he told me he had to stop in before going to a meeting across town. He couldn’t go the day without seeing me. It’s Tuesday and we got back from our trip Sunday night. I’d been missing him too. He took the palate out of my hand and put it on the nearby wooden stool. I asked him what he was doing and he simply replied “This.” Phil grabbed me by the arm, pulled me in for another kiss while pushing me against the nearest wall. His lips moved to my neck and I had to ask him if he had time for this and if he really want to fuck me up against the wall. In all the years we’ve been together, we hadn’t done this yet. I really hoped he did have time and wasn’t just teasing me but he was already hard from what I felt. I was half hard just from his dominance. He said he had an hour before the meeting started and he didn’t mind be late. He moved his hand to the front of my tracksuit bottoms that I always wear them when I paint. My hard member must have been incredibly obvious but it didn’t matter. Phil loved see me this way, hard and waiting for him.

 

He felt it and smiled. He said he was happy to see me ready for him. I told him I always am. He put his hands at my waist and turned me around so I’m was facing the wall. He pulled my pants and boxers down in one swift move. The friction it caused made me twitch. I was getting increasingly hotter by the second. I put my hands out in front me leaning forwards, arching my back to giving him a great view. He moaned my name into my ear. I assumed he liked what he saw. He loves my ass. He was always staring at it, smacking it or even biting it during some of our rougher sessions. I hear him unbuckle his belt and his trousers drop to the floor. He spread me with his hands, and I felt something wet my entrance. It was his already leaking member covered in lube. He informed me that he brought lube with him, that he’s been thinking about this since last night after we talked. He knew I would be in the studio today and pencilled this into his busy schedule. God, I love him. I moaned a little at thought of him going around the office horny and ready to fuck me.  

“Ready?” he asked, breathing heavily.

“Yes, hurry up.” I begged.

He thrust forward with his hips at full strength. I felt a sting of pain from the sudden stretch but it soon melted into unbelievable pleasure. His huge dick filled me and I felt his hips hit my skin. He was completely inside of me as we were stood against the wall. He didn’t move just yet. He kissed the nape of my neck and then put his hands over my own, pinning me against the white. He slowly started his movements, pulling out and thrusting in slowly but surely, getting faster with every thrust.

“You’re so fucking tight, Dan.”

I could only moan and close my eyes. There was nothing to look at and his cock was filling me up, taking all of my focus. His hips got faster, pushing me forward. His hands were pushing mine into the wall and at any other time it might be painful but right now it just adds to the pleasure. With his hands holding me in place, he began to go even faster, moaning my name the entire time. His thrusts became so powerful that I thought I would go straight through the wall. I screamed, “Phil!” when he hit my prostate in his hardest thrust. I was so close and I couldn’t stop moaning. Each time I tried to warn him, nothing came out but squeaks and moans. He grasped at my front and found my cock and started stroking forcefully.

 

“You’re gonna come right now and I’m gonna keep fucking you. I wanna hear you scream my name.”

 

He was still pushing into me, hitting my spot on each and every thrust. I came all over his fist and some of the wall. He continued fucking me though my orgasm. He laced his fingers with mine which was the only thing keeping me standing. My climax was too intense. I couldn’t take anymore. I didn’t scream when I opened my mouth, I just saw white and then black.

 

“Dan? Dan, are you okay? Wake up.”

I opened my eyes and I’m laid on the couch that sits in the far left corner of the studio by a large window facing a brick wall. Phil was sitting on the edge looking over me. I noticed I was fully dressed again and so was he. He looked ready to go.

“Phil, how long was I out this time?”

“I think about five minutes. Was it good?”

“It was fucking amazing. I couldn’t even hold myself up when I came, Phil. We have to do that again sometime.”

“Yeah, it’s my new favourite position.” He smiled and kiss me on the lips.

“I don’t think I can walk, Phil.”

“Let’s see.”

He got up from the couch to let me sit up and attempt getting up on my own. I pushed myself up and feel a twinge in my back and cried out. He reached out to hold me up in his arms.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.”

“No. It was worth it.” I smiled at him and pecked his lips. “It was definitely worth it.”

“I’m going to call a service to take you home. You need to go lay in bed.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“The meeting starts in 20 minutes. I have to go now, love.”

I pouted but I knew he would go anyway. He kissed me again like he always does and walked out the studio. I sat down on the couch and felt a pain shoot up through my back. Is it weird that it made me smile? A chauffeur came to pick me up not long after he left. I was still having trouble moving and he asked what happened. I told him I fell and tried to hide my childish smirk.

Phil came over to the house later that evening and brought me dinner. He knew I would not be able to move around the house so he thought about having a nice picnic in bed. He brought wine and a picnic basket. We ate the lasagne he brought and fed cherries to each other while I sat there in my boxers and him in his work trousers and vest. It was so cheesy romantic but I couldn’t complain.

When we finished, he put everything back into the basket then put the basket on the coffee table in the sitting room that sits right before you enter the bedroom. He came back in bed and pulled the duvet over us both. He smuggled into me and  whispering __I love you I love you I love you__. He was half on top of me and kiss my face all over. I tried to give some back but he wouldn't stop. He was so loving tonight.

He continued kissing me and between the kissing sounds, I thought I heard the front door open and close. I ignored it and let Phil continue his kisses. I heard a faint noise coming from the doorway of the bedroom. A light turned on in the sitting room so I picked my head up, with struggle as Phil was still kissing me, and I saw a woman standing there. I could only see her silhouette. Phil stopped kissing me and made a sound of confusion. He lifted himself off of me and turned around. He jumped up, almost falling off the large four poster bed.

“Dominique?” Phil asked.

“Philip, what are you doing!” she said walking to the bedroom. I know who it is now. His wife.

“How did you get in here? Why are you here?”

“You are interrogating me? You’re having an affair—“

“Please, wait for me to explain.”

I sat up a bit more to see her clearly. She’s more beautiful than I realized. Of course, I had looked up the woman keeping Phil from me. I have to admit I was very jealous of her. At this moment, however, I was terrified of her. Our secret was out.

“Wait for you to explain? You’re in bed with ano— oh my god! You’re bed with another man!”

I guessed she didn’t see me when she first walked in. Phil was panicking now and his breathing was shallow and quick. I was afraid he’s going to have a panic attack or something. His entire life was now falling to pieces. A friend in art school got them all the time, so I knew what they looked like. I got off the bed, winced from the pain and walked to him.

“Phil? You need to calm down. Sit down on the bed. You’re okay. Everything will be fine.”

He backed away from me and into the corner of the room. He crouched down and hid behind his hands. This was so scary. Phil was always in control.

“Dominique? Phil’s wife?” I asked her steadily. I didn’t want her shouting anymore because Phil was clearly in no shape to hear it.

“Yes, I am Dominique Girard Lester… his wife.” She appeared to be speaking to herself instead of me. Like she couldn’t believe it even though she saw it with her own eyes. It was a little heartbreaking. “Who are you? And why are you in bed with my husband?”

“I’m D-Dan. Dan Howell and we’ve been seeing each other.”

“How long? How long has he been lying to me?”

“I’ve been seeing him for almost three… y-years now.” I said hesitantly. I couldn’t tell her how long he’s been lying because he’s been doing that all his life. No one knows about his sexuality. Not mention the fact that I was just in bed with her husband with only my boxers on. I felt more than a little exposed to be perfectly honest.

 

“Three years!” she shouted. “Three years of lies? Tell me, Phil!”

 

Phil didn’t acknowledge the question. He seemed to have caved in on himself. His head sat on his knees and he was shaking.

 

“Please stop shouting. How did you get in here? How did you know we were here?”

 

“I was worried. He’s been acting strange lately. He doesn’t come home anymore. He’s always on trips or at the office or having a nightcap with a friend. So I started following him. I saw him pick up the food, “she said pointing to the basket on the coffee table.

 

“It looked so romantic; I thought it was for me.” I saw tears in her eyes then and she tried desperately to stop them. She put her hair behind her ear frantically, “I saw that he wasn’t going in the direction of our house so I kept following him. He drove here fast, using the side streets. I saw him go in and I stayed in the car for two hours trying to convince myself that he wasn’t cheating on me. I finally got the courage to ring the bell when I saw that the door was still open. I walked in, saw his shoes and coat there. I came up stairs and…”

I thought about all those times she would text him after work and ask if he was coming home. I would beg him to stay with me. I didn’t know she loved him. I thought they were in an arrange marriage of sorts. Phil is very good at keeping secrets it seems. Dominique was crying now and so I tried to comfort her by saying, “We didn’t mean to hurt any—”

“That’s easy for you to say! You’re not the one who found her husband’s been cheating on her for years with another man!” She glared at me and I felt so horrible. I didn’t realize how she must have felt.

 

“How am I going to explain this to everyone? They’re all going to say it was my fault. I can’t let this get out. Everyone will know!”

 

She started panicking and I could not blame her. Their lives were based on faking smiles and reputation. Phil told me a few months ago that she came from a French family that sold the most expensive wine in the world. She was a well-known philanthropist. A beautiful heiress he was set to marry from youth. Their families were close in business and personally. He told me he loved her platonically. They grew up going to the same elite private schools and attended the same university. She was a kind person and very loving. She never once made him do something he didn’t want to. Considering the circumstances, I assume that came up several times. People in those sorts of families had to produce heirs and unfortunately, Phil didn’t like women at all.

“Please just keep this to yourself,” I pleaded. “No one knows but the three of us. Please don’t tell anyone. Phil loves you but not the way you think.”

“I don’t know what to think anymore. Listen, —Dan, is it? — He has been lying to me years. Not only about you but about who he is. Why didn’t he tell me he didn’t like women? I know his family wouldn't approve but I wouldn’t have told anyone. He betrayed my trust. If someone finds out, I will be made the fool of.” She pulled at her brown hair. “I need to go. I need to go now.” Dominique looked at Phil and said, “I love you so much. Why didn’t you tell me? Do you know what you’ve done?” He didn’t answer. He didn’t even look up. She got up and left.

What just happened? One minute, we were snuggled close in bed, and the next, Phil was having a panic attack and our lives were falling apart. I crouched down in front of him and whispered, “Phil is it alright if I touch you?” He nodded. “Come here, baby.” I said pulling him to me.

“Help me,” he said in a small wavering voice. The pressure had pushed him too far.  

“It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.”

“It’s all over now isn’t, Dan?”

“What do you mean?”

“Dominique’s going to tell. It’ll be all over the news by tomorrow morning. What about my family? They don’t know I’m gay. They think I’m happily married to a gorgeous, perfect woman and that we’re madly in love.”

“It’ll be okay, Phil. It’s time they knew. You couldn’t hide forever. You’re a grown man. You need to be honest with them and yourself.”

“Dan, you don’t understand. My father will … and mother. I hadn’t thought about her. They won’t love me anymore. I’ll lose everything.”

“No, you won’t. You still have me. I’ll always be here.”

He looked up and he smiled. A small half smile but still a smile. He got up and started getting dressed.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to go home. I have to go home and fix this before she tells anyone. If she tells anyone, it will be on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper. I know she’ll tell. I have to go now.”

I stood up from the floor and he was already making his way to the door.

“Phil?” I asked. I really wanted a kiss. He always gave me one when he left. Always.

“I have to go. I have to go.”

Just like that he was gone.

 


	5. Five

“Dan?” he says into the phone when I answer.

“Phil! Are you alright?”

“Yes. Listen, I need to see you. I’ve made a decision.” I can’t quite tell if it’s good news or bad news, he’s speaking so fast.

“What is it? Just tell me, Phil,” I pleaded softly. I‘d barely slept.

“Can you come to mine?” he says, ignoring me. “Can you drive or do you want me to send a car?”

“I’ll drive,” I say, pausing between each word. I’m confused. Does he want to see me so he can end this?

“See you.”

He hangs up on me. I stare at my phone screen for a moment, dazed, thinking. Maybe doesn’t want to see me anymore and he’s being nice about. Just like Phil to do that. Maybe Dominique wants to have a go at me herself for stealing her husband. No, she seemed pretty understanding though a little embarrassed from his betrayal. Phil is liar. A damn good one at that. Can I trust that he loves me? Can I /believe/ that he’s in love with me? After Stockholm, I would think so considering, well, everything. The day at the galleries, the day in the gardens, the sex. No one could be that good of an actor. Right?

I snap out of my thoughts after a few minutes, as the clock on my phone suggests, and lay my head on the pillow. Staring at the ceiling will help me right? No.

I flip the duvet over and head to the bathroom. I might as well get ready to see him. It may be the last time.

Twenty minutes later, I’m driving to his house, trying hard to concentrate on the road instead what happened last night. I make the turn off and head towards the area he lives in. It’s posh. That’s it. No other word to describe it. Everywhere I look, there’s a mansion with a well maintained garden, each with a tall gate encasing it. I arrive at his house and it’s just like the others. It’s considerably larger than some of them and I’m just as intimidated today as I was that night three years ago. I haven’t been here since then. Phil made sure I would never need to.

I drive in up the gate and press the call button to tell him I’m here. It crackles a bit and a sweet feminine voice answers, “Lester Household, who is speaking?”

“Daniel H-Howell,” I say clearing my throat. It squeaks when I’m anxious.

“Welcome, Mr Howell,” she says and the gate opens without hesitation.

“Thank you,” I tell her even though I’m sure she’s not listening.

The driveway is longer than most, paved, without an oil stain in sight. Shrubs dot the side of it and I see the gardener making his way to back. I drive up to the separated garage that sits adjacent to the house and park. There’s a black car, a very expensive one at that, sitting there already next to a white Volkswagen bug. I laugh because it looks so out of place and I wonder who it belongs too. I see the front door open in my rearview mirror. An older man walks down the stairs without looking back and he’s coming towards me. A woman around the same age follows behind him and she looks like she’s been crying. She’s holding a handkerchief to her face and her face is red. The man walks up next to my car and glares at me. I look down as if I’m guilty of some horrible crime because I must have done something to deserve such a look. The woman opens the door on the other side, gets in and continues her crying. He gets in after her and says something to her without looking at her, starts the car and drives away quickly.

****

The front door is still open when I look back. I see Phil standing in the doorway for a moment then he slams the door shut. I turn off the engine, open the door and step out. I need to get this over with. I can’t take the anxiety anymore. I walk up to the house quickly and knock on the door. It swings opens and it’s Dominique, dressed down, but still beautiful. I wait for a reaction from her to see if I’m even invited further inside. She smiles. She fucking smiles. What? I smile back.

“Hello,” I say sheepishly.

“Come in,” she says, gesturing for me to enter her home. I’m so confused.

“Thank you.” I think it may be some kind of trap until Phil meets me in the foyer, hugging me tightly. I’m speechless.

“Hi, love,” he whispers. He lets me go, looks at me for a moment, and then starts laughing. I look back and forth between them both. She’s laughing now too.

“What’s so funny?” I ask confusedly.

“Dan, it’s okay,” Dominique says softly. “You can relax now, no need to hide.”

“What does that mean?” I ask Phil, who’s smiling widely.

“Let’s go sit down and talk about it.”

Phil takes my hand and pulls me past the large double staircase, into the sitting room. She follows behind us and we all sit down on the sofa. I sit down next to Phil and She sits next to me.

“Dan, I talked to Dominique last night,” he starts. “She’s forgiven me for keeping this from her. She’s convinced me to come out and I think I’m ready.”

“What? Is this—What?” I stammer.

“Yes, this is real, Dan. I love Phil,” she looks at him and they share glance, “And I want him to be happy. You make him happy.”

“She’s right. You do.”

“Wait! You aren’t angry?” I ask, looking at her. “And you’re afraid to let everyone know?”

Phil takes my hand into his lap, “No, I don’t care anymore. I’ve already told my father, you might have seen him outside. He’s angry but he’ll have to get over it.” He chuckles and he looks so relieved, weight of the world and his hidden sexuality off his shoulders. His expression changes slightly when he says, “I hated seeing mum like that, though. I hope she understands. She didn’t have a chance to say anything with him shouting.”

“How did you decide all this since last night?”

“Phil and I stayed up all night. He came home and told me the entire story. I’ll admit I hated him for lying to me, for so long,” she gives him a pointed look and he lowers his head. “But I know he couldn’t help it. I’ve known him my entire life; he’s my best friend. He told me he met an artist who made him smile. A man he simply couldn’t live without.” A grin creeps into my face because she says this just as Phil’s playing with my fingers.

She continues, “He didn’t want to disappoint anyone, especially the family. I reminded him that I still love him. I told him I will support him. Everyone will talk but they always do anyway. He needs to be happy first and foremost.”

“I’ve been thinking about this for months now and when you said I love you, I overreacted because it meant that I could actually have a relationship with you, that this wasn’t me using you for sex or you using me for money. We actually have something real. I can’t hide that anymore.”

“So what does this mean for us,” I ask him.

“We can be together.”

“It’s just as simple as that?” I’m still a little sceptical to their easy-going attitude towards this whole situation.

“No. My father may take away my inheritance and stop speaking to me. But I made a few calls and put away enough money… for us. I don’t need him.” There’s a smug look on his face now. “We’re getting divorced too.”

Now, I  feel horrible. Of course, they weren’t going to stay married after telling the world about him and us but this makes it real. This is actually happening.

“It’s only fair to us both, Dan. Domi should be with someone she loves and who loves her back. She was pressured into this as well. We don’t want our families controlling us anymore.” It’s as if he’s read my mind. Phil says, “I am sorry though, Domi. I should have went about this differently.”

“I agree but it’s all out now. Stop apologizing. It won’t change anything. I’m going to leave you both to talk,” she says getting up and walks into the next room.

We sit silently for a while, just taking in the silence. He’s still playing with my fingers and I’m looking at them.

“What are you thinking about Dan?”

“The front door,” I say. “I’m not sure I locked it.”

He laughs and kisses me on the cheek. I lay back on the sofa and look at him, holding his gaze. His eyes are a faint blue, nearly silver. “Will you stay with me?” I hear him ask softly after a while.

“Yes, you belong to me and I belong to you, remember?” I whisper against his ear.

“Always?”

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr  
> [danni-howell](https://danni-howell.tumblr.com/)


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